Q: What is sexual addiction?
A: Sexual addiction can be understood by comparing
it to other types of addiction.
Chemical addicts find they need drugs to feel normal. In
sexual addiction, a parallel situation exists. Sex provides the “high,” and addicts become
dependent on this sexual high to feel normal. They substitute healthy relationships for
unhealthy ones and opt for temporary pleasure rather than the deeper quality of “normal”
intimate relationships.
Sexual addiction follows the same progressive nature as other addictions. Sexual addicts
struggle to control their behaviors, and experience despair over constant failure to do so.
Their self-esteem continues to diminish, adding to the need to escape further into addictive
behavior. Sexual addicts feel tremendous guilt and shame about their out-of-control behavior,
and live in constant fear of discovery.
Q: What behaviors indicate sexual addiction?
A: : Sexual addiction is indicated by the following behaviors:
1. A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior. Examples include compulsive masturbation, indulging in
pornography, having multiple affairs, exhibitionism, dangerous sexual practices, prostitution,
anonymous sex, compulsive sexual episodes and voyeurism.
2. Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite
these adverse consequences. Consequences include loss of partner or spouse, severe marital
or relationship problems, loss of career opportunities, unwanted pregnancies, suicidal
ideation, exposure to AIDS or other sexually transmitted disease.
3. Persistent pursuit of self destructive behavior. Sexual addicts understand the consequences
of their actions, but cannot stop acting out. They often seem to have a willfulness about
them and an attitude that prevents them from dealing with the consequences of their behavior
until it is too late.
4. Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior. Sex addicts often create external
barriers in an attempt to control their sexual behavior. Examples include moving to
new cities, neighborhoods, or in some other way to a new environment. Many immerse
themselves into religion, only to soothe their shame, but their acting out continues.
Sexual anorexia is also attempted in which they allow themselves no sexual expression at all.
5. Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy. By fantasizing, the sex addict
can maintain a constant level of arousal. Along with obsession, the two behaviors can
create a kind of analgesic “fix.”
6. Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity
is no longer sufficiently satisfying. Sexual addiction is often progressive and while
many sex addicts may attempt to control their behavior for a period of time, the behavior
returns and quickly escalates to levels beyond those previously experienced.
Bingeing occurs to the point of emotional exhaustion, and for sex addicts withdrawal can
parallel the physical pain experienced by those withdrawing from opiate addiction.
7. Severe mood changes related to sexual activity. Sex addicts experience intense shifts
in mood, often due to the despair and shame of unwanted sex. They spend inordinate
amounts of time obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual experiences.
Two sets of activities organize a sexual addict’s day. One involves obsession,
devoting time to initiating sex and actually being sexual; the other is dealing with
consequences of the sexual behavior.
8. Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual
behavior. As more of the addict’s energy is focused on relationships with sexual potential,
healthy relationships and activities suffer from neglect.
Q: How does someone get help?
A: The first step in getting help is finding out if you have a problem.
A counselor with specific training in the treatment of sexual addiction can
effectively perform a professional assessment which will identify sexual addiction and
indicate a level of care most appropriate for the addict.
For a free and confidential Sexual Addiction Assessment, call the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery at 1-800-522-3784. We provide assessments twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, at no charge. The Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery’s Sexual Addiction Program provides “full service” treatment and includes: inpatient treatment, if necessary, and several levels of outpatient treatment. Each patient/client receives education about the disease, individual and group therapy with Addictions Counselors and a Psychologist.