What is Sexual Addiction?
Sexual addiction can be understood by comparing it to other types of addiction. Chemical addicts find they need drugs to feel normal. In sexual addiction, a parallel situation exists. Sex provides the "high" and addicts become dependent on this sexual high to feel normal. They substitute healthy relationships for unhealthy ones and opt for temporary pleasure rather than the deeper quality of "normal" intimate relationships.Sexual addiction follows the same progressive nature of other addictions. Sexual addicts struggle to control their behaviors and experience despair over constant failure to do so. Their loss of self-esteem grows, adding to the need to escape further into addictive behavior. Sexual addicts feel tremendous guilt and shame about their out-of-control behavior, and live in constant fear of discovery.
What behaviors indicate sexual addiction?
- A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior.
Examples include: Compulsive masturbation, indulging in pornography, having multiple affairs, exhibitionism, dangerous sexual practices, prostitution, anonymous sex, compulsive sexual episodes and voyeurism.
- Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences.
Consequences include: Loss of partner or spouse, severe marital or relationship problems, loss of career opportunities, unwanted pregnancies, suicidal ideation, exposure to AIDS or other sexually transmitted disease.
- Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior.
Sexual addicts understand the consequences of their actions but cannot stop acting out. They often seem to have a willfulness about them and an attitude that prevents them from dealing with the consequences of their behavior until it is too late.
- On-going desire or effort to limit sexual behavior.
Sex addicts often create external barriers in an attempt to control their sexual behavior. Examples include moving to new cities, neighborhoods, or a new environment. Many immerse themselves in religion to soothe their shame, but their acting out continues. Sexual anorexia is also attempted in which they allow themselves no sexual expression at all.
- Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy.
By fantasizing, the sex addict can maintain a constant level of arousal. Along with obsession, the two behaviors can create a kind of analgesic "fix".
- Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficiently satisfying.
Sexual addiction is often progressive and while many sex addicts may attempt to control their behavior for a period of time, the behavior returns and quickly escalates to levels beyond those previously experienced. Bingeing occurs to the point of emotional exhaustion, and withdrawal for sex addicts can parallel the physical pain experienced by those withdrawing from opiate addiction.
- Severe mood changes related to sexual activity.
Sex addicts experience intense shifts in mood, often due to the despair and shame of unwanted sex.
- Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual experiences.
Two sets of activities organize a sexual addict's day. One involves obsession, devoting them to initiating sex, and actually being sexual, the other is dealing with consequences of the sexual behavior.
- Neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior.
As more of the addict's energy is focused on relationships with sexual potential, healthy relationships and activities suffer from neglect.
How does someone get help?
The first step in getting help is finding out if you have a problem. A counselor with specific training in the treatment of sexual addiction can effectively perform a professional assessment which will identify sexual addiction and a level of care most appropriate for you.For a free and confidential sexual addiction assessment, call the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery at 1-800-522-3784. We provide assessments 24 hours a day, seven days a week, at no charge. The Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery's Sexual Addiction Program provides "full service" treatment and includes: inpatient treatment, if necessary, and several levels of outpatient treatment. Each patient/client receives education about the disease, individual and group therapy with addictions counselors and psychologists.
To comment on this site or inquire about IIAR programs and services, or to receive additional information on any of the subjects discussed in this Web site, please e-mail our Vice President of Addiction and Behavioral Sciences, Rick Zehr (eric.zehr@proctor.org) or call 1-800-522-3784.
This information is provided as a community education service about professional issues and is not a substitute for individual consultation. Advice on individual problems should be obtained through a professional. All personal and medical information provided to IIAR and its staff is held in strict confidence. This information will not be disclosed to any person or organization without the written consent of the patient or guardian.
About I.I.A.R. Addiction Information
Speakers Bureau The Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery has centers at the following three locations:
Proctor Hospital, 5409 N. Knoxville Avenue, Peoria, IL 61614, phone: 1-800-522-3784
BroMenn Regional Medical Center, Virginia at Franklin, Normal, IL 61761, phone: 309-888-0993
IIAR at Springfield, 3050 Montvale Drive, Springfield, IL 62704, phone: 217-726-6611E-mail comments or requests for additional information to Rick Zehr (eric.zehr@proctor.org)
You may also contact: Randee McGraw, Administrative Director
Pam Hillyard, Manager
Coleen Moore, Coordinator of Resource Development
Patricia Erickson, Nursing Coordinator
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